The Call Center QA Blues

2012-01-16T10:04:00.001-06:00

I’m done with Apple.

I had a wonderful chat with a customer service agent named Charles on Saturday. He was very nice, and seemed to care about my problem with their product. As far as phone customer service goes, he was really great. He told me that they would have to put a hold on my debit card for the replacement cost of my iPod, just in case they got it back and it has water damage or it had been dropped. It hasn’t even met water, and I have babied that thing, so I wasn’t worried: but I have debit cards, and could not have a hold placed on one. He told me to go back to the Apple Store and they would replace it. He set up an appointment for this morning and even warned me not to restore from my backup, as it may be corrupted. I hung up, finally having hope.

Hope was dashed this morning. My husband took it back to the “Genius Bar,” where they wiped it again and said there may be something wrong with the backup. Right. If there is something wrong with the backup, it was caused by their upgrade to iOS 5.0. After months of problems, I was expecting them to honor what they had told me. I suppose, with the treatment we have received in the past, I should have set my expectations differently.

I used this iPod for so much: social media, checking and answering emails (yes, even work emails), work issues, videos, music, games, etc. I loved my iPod. But I’m done. When the thing gets home, it’s going in a drawer. I suppose it will make a nice paperweight or curiosity somewhere down the road – you know, like 8-tracks are today. It may meet its end in some creative way, like under a steamroller. I may play racquetball with it. I don’t know. But I will never, ever purchase another Apple product as long as I live.

2012-01-14T19:07:00.002-06:00

I'm watching Customer (Dis)Service on CNBC. I highly recommend it for anyone who works in a customer service position.

Speaking of Customer Service, I had a very weird experience the other day with Animas: the makers of my daughter's insulin pump. I called about our supply order: she was running out of supplies and I needed to get some in the house ASAP. I called on Monday and paid the previous bill, then I was transferred to Customer Service to get the shipment sent second day air. We needed the order in house by Wednesday.

I looked at our order on Tuesday: no UPS tracking number had been assigned. I called back and was assured that I would receive my order on Wednesday. She verified that it had not shipped, but told me it would ship second day air for delivery Wednesday.

Blink. What? I explained to her that if it was shipping second day air, that would place the order getting to me on Thursday, not Wednesday. She insisted that it was shipping with my requested delivery method for delivery Wednesday. I told her that I work with UPS all the time, and I know to get it to me the next day that they would have to ship it overnight. Then she said the one thing that set me off.

"I'm just reading what it says on the screen."

My response: "Forget what's on the screen and just think logically for a minute, okay?" After explaining once again why a second day air package would not get to me on Wednesday because it takes two days to ship. and Wednesday is only one day away from Tuesday, and the package had not shipped yet, she once again insisted I would receive the shipment second day air on Wednesday. I said, "We'll see," and ended the call.

By the way, I did get the shipment on Wednesday. UPS Next Day Air Saver. *sigh* At least I got it, right? True. But it does prove a point: there are so many times in customer service where we have to go away from the script or whatever is in front of us, think logically, and take care of the customer. I did not walk away from that call feeling like I had a good experience. I did not feel listened to. I did not know how the problem was going to be corrected. It made me more aware of my own listening skills and helped me in my own customer service interactions. But I wonder how many more companies just read what's on the screen and hope it's enough.

2012-01-07T13:32:00.002-06:00

I am so frustrated with Apple right now. I want to take my iPod Touch and toss it in the garbage.

It's not even a year old yet. We had two third gen iPod touches: my husband and I upgraded to fourth gen, and we gave our third gen to our children. They all worked perfectly... until I upgraded to iOS 5.0. At that point, my iPod started to act funny. I couldn't keep an app open at all, not even the ones native to the Touch - like Safari, videos, YouTube, and even the Settings folder. My battery life is abysmal: it will drain the battery in about an hour. I have reset it, reloaded, wiped it clean and put everything back on from backups, even taken it to the Apple Genius Bar - nothing has worked. It's now on iOS 5.0.1, and still doing the same thing.

I'm out of my 90 day phone support warranty, but still within my year warranty. I cannot login to Apple's online technical support because it's asking me for a question that I have never set up. The screen asks for my birthday, and then it asks for a question and answer. No drop down box for the question. If I type in a normal question that I may have used, it says question not found.

Apple, I'm at the end of my rope. My iPod Touch is very important to me: I use it like a laptop. I check work emails, I watch movies, listen to music, surf the Net: I've even done work from it. It is the perfect size to fit in my purse. I have three other people who have perfectly working iPod Touches who refuse to upgrade to the newest version because of the problems I've encountered. In my experience, Apple falls at the far end of the Customer Disservice category. I want answers: I want help: I want my iPod fixed.

Apple? Are you listening?

2011-11-03T17:19:00.002-05:00

Ever get the runaround by your own city? I did yesterday. We got flyers taped to our mailboxes by a private citizen who wanted to paint our house numbers on our curbs. Sounds like a great idea: makes it easy for police/fire/etc to see our house at night, and it was only $18. But I got suspicious because the guy had a Hotmail email address. So I started calling to see if this was a legitimate service. Where's the first place I call? The Chamber of Commerce.

The young lady told me I would have to contact my homeowner's association. I explained to her that we don't have a homeowner's association.

Her response: "Ooooh." You know, that snotty sounding sort of "oooooh" that makes you feel like you're suddenly lower than dirt in her eyes? Yeah. I was thinking, "You know, lady, some neighborhoods do just bleeding fine without such an association." I just repeated, "Oooooh?" That's when she gave me the number to the city offices.

I called the city, and they said, "You need to contact the Public Works division," and they gave me the number.

I called Public Works, and they said, "You need to contact Community Development," and they gave me the number.

Now I'm on my fourth phone call, and getting increasingly frustrated with the way my city handles things. So I call Community Development. Finally I get to a really nice person. I tell her that the flyer was left: she said that flyers weren't supposed to be taped to houses like that. I responded it wasn't taped to the house: it was taped to the mailbox. She said, "Oh, really? Can you fax me a copy of that flyer?" Considering putting anything on or in the mailbox that has not been through the postal system is a federal offense, this really captured interest. We took the flyer to their office and gave it to them. She was just as nice in person as she was on the phone. She said that they would be contacting the person and having a good chat with them.

I never did find out if this was a legitimate business, but at least something happened.

2011-05-24T18:43:00.001-05:00

Well, back to QA temporarily: our new QA person had her baby! *YAY!* But doing both is going to be hard and require a lot of time at work. Man, this three day weekend coming up is going to be spent in bed asleep...

2011-05-06T20:35:00.002-05:00

Parts of this post could be rated R - so if you're under the age of 13 and reading this, be warned. Here we go.

A wonderful coworker of mine was promoted to Supervisor the same day I was. She is one totally awesome woman, and one of the people I look up to for great customer service.

Her team has been receiving calls from a perv for the last few days. Apparently, he'll call in, raving about our diapers, then ask one of the ladies if they'd like to help him take them off. Lovely, eh?

Well, she came to my desk today. She said, "The pervert called again."
I said, "Really?"
She said, "Yeah: we got him off real quick, though."

Me - wide eyed stare.

Then what she said hit her.

"The PHONE! We got him off the PHONE!"

So she's standing next to my desk, and we are both overcome by long, loud fits of laughter. She goes to tell her former supervisor: I finally calm down until I hear THEM laughing from the back of the building. So the laughter started all over again.

It was a very good day.

2011-04-22T10:38:00.003-05:00

This is it.

As of next week, I will no longer be doing QA for our call center. I will have the pleasure of working with a wonderful group of CSRs, and will have the title of supervisor.

The past 5 1/2 years have been a wild ride. I have heard and seen more than any one person deserves to experience. Most of it has made me laugh: some has made me cry: and others have just left me shaking my head in disbelief. And I can say I've enjoyed every second of it.

I have to thank Tom Vander Well of Service Quality Central for being an inspiration and a guide for these many years. He has a heart and a passion for customer service that is unparalleled in this industry, and I am fortunate to call him a good friend.

I also have to thank my husband of 13 years. He has put up with me talking about work and QA for a long time. He has endured my studies and my stories and usually asks after a particularly funny story, "You blogging that?" He has been my rock, my love and my life. I love you, darling.

I am not giving up the blog, because there will still be funny stories and QA moments to share. It won't be my job title anymore, but it will still have an important place in my new job. God bless all of you, and thanks for reading. :)

Speaking of which, I just heard one of our sales reps sprayed her dog with carpet cleaner: she picked up the wrong bottle. She was reaching for the flea spray. At least her pup smells good?

2011-03-25T12:02:00.002-05:00

"May I speak to Joe Bob at extension 9999, please?"

"May I tell him who is calling?"

"It's MaryAnnaKatherineElizabethJohnJacobJingleheimerSchmidt."

"Sure. Hold on just a moment."

(Transfer attempted)

"Thanks for holding, MAKEJJJS: but Joe Bob is on the phone. Would you like his voicemail?"

Something has already gone wrong with this call. Sure, technically it's perfect: but it seems the CSR does not want to help the customer. Poor MAKEJJJS could be transferred into a voicemail, where she could leave a message and hope Joe Bob is the kind of CSR that will actually call her back.

Or the CSR who takes the phone call could offer to help! That sounds much better. Now, the customer could very well say, "Well, I've been working with Joe Bob for two weeks on this, and I'd rather speak with him." But more often, the customer will say, "Sure! I think you can help me with this." When help is not offered, I hear quite often, "Well, maybe you can help me."

Don't make the customer ask you for help. Offer it first.

2011-03-19T16:47:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about it last night. There would be one thing worse than an Amandalanche at my place. That would be a Deborah/Debralanche.

We have five of those. FIVE. Imagine the confusion if a customer calls and asks for Debra/Deborah.

"Which one?"

"I don't know. She didn't give me her extension."

One call center I worked in required us to give our last name at the beginning of the call. Many people didn't care for that, but we had to do it. I can see why. This was a larger call center than the one I work in now, and if we have multiple people with the same name in our call center, imagine what it was like there!

The last name can be an option, but it isn't the only option. Some kind of unique identifier, like your extension, is a great option if you don't feel comfortable giving your last name. Even the first initial of your last name can work. But make it easier for your customers to get back in touch with you if they have to.

Better yet, offer to get back in touch with the customer yourself. And don't forget to follow through with a callback cause, well, that opens up another can of worms.

2011-03-18T12:46:00.001-05:00

New QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Amandalanche.

(cymbal crash)

Definition: An Amandalanche is what happens when the switchboard operator pages for Amanda to come up front, and all three show up at once.

2011-03-14T10:15:00.003-05:00

Happy Monday! Yeah, I can say that. Mondays get a really bad rap, ya know. People would hate Saturdays if they were off Thursday and Friday.

And Happy Pi Day as well! March 14... 3.14...

2011-03-11T08:19:00.002-06:00

We have a massive flu outbreak here at work. So far, I'm okay: but I had my wonderful nurse practitioner give me a prescription for Tamiflu just in case. It can't hurt to be too protected. Please pray for me, and pray that I can stay healthy through all of this.

Which leads me to the...

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Flue.

(ah-CHOO!) (clatter of drumsticks hitting the floor)

Bless you.

According to an email, someone here has a bad case of Chimneyitis. I don't know if they're afraid of chimneys or stuck in a chimney, but someone here has the flue. Pretty cool. I'd love to see a write-up of that in the Physician's Desk Reference. :D

2011-03-03T14:48:00.002-06:00

Listening to a call: customer was asking about the price of an item. He said he was placing an order, and the price was just a little bit off. Turns out that was an understatement.

Next thing, I hear the CSR yell, "WHOO!"

I know at that point that it's bad. I was right. She asked the customer to hold, then went and had a talk with her supervisor.

The customer wanted to order one tray of sponge gauze. One tray. The price?

$2,048.16.

When did we start selling platinum sponge gauze?

2011-03-02T15:04:00.000-06:00

The customers name is Boniface. Not Bonnie Face. OI.

2011-02-14T17:06:00.002-06:00

Well, I took a long look around today: slouching as far as the eye can see. It seems very few people know how to sit up straight in their chairs. I sent the video link and information off to our managers: now, let's see what happens with it. I hope they watch it tonight.

2011-02-12T14:33:00.003-06:00

Wow. I finally have time to sit down and write. Imagine that. And I have no clue what to write about. Hang with me for a sec: this might go somewhere, and it might not.

I've watched Tom Vander Well's video on mush mouth, and I've noticed far more CSRs have this problem down here than elsewhere. A relaxed posture has something to do with it: I've noticed this more on Fridays than any other day, simply because the dress code is more casual. The more casual the dress code, the more casual the CSR will act at work. One call center I worked in where shorts were allowed on weekends, and jeans/t-shirts every other day, the attitude was so casual that it came across all the time in the tone of the CSRs. I'm probably one of the few people in the call center world that is against casual dress for that very reason: it takes more effort to act and speak professionally when you're dressed casually.

In the South, however, speed has a whole lot to do with mush mouth. People here talk really fast, compared to my upbringing in the Midwest. My grandma used to say, "She got her tongue in front of her eye teeth and couldn't see what she was saying." I find that to be the case here.

Also, people really have to think about their grammar. Using proper grammar presents a more professional attitude. Improper grammar usage has spawned many a "QA Word of the Day" in this blog. I hear so much that I would never say, like "uh huh," "mmm-hmm," and "eaches." Finding shortcuts for proper grammar can have a negative effect on your attitude and the customer's perception of you. If you cannot speak correctly and professionally, the customer will have less confidence in you and how well you can solve their problems.

In the QA world, proper grammar and enunciation makes my job so much more pleasant. It's nice when I don't have to rewind a call because I'm thinking, "What did she say?" or, "Where did that word come from?" If the word can be found in the Urban Dictionary, it has no place in Customer Service.

Monday, I am going to take a stroll through the call center and look at posture. It's honestly not something I have noticed, and it's a great point that Tom has addressed. I'm going to take a closer look at the CSRs who are my habitual mush mouth offenders and compare with the rest of the call center. I'll post my findings on Monday night. It may spark an email to our management team as well. We'll see what happens.

2011-01-12T08:25:00.002-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Hourglassing.

(vuvuzela blast)

Hey! Who let the vuvuzela player in here?

Hourglassing is another joyous instance of a noun being turned into a verb. It's said quite often around here when our system slows down: the CSR will say, "Give me just a moment: the system's hourglassing."

There are so many other ways to convey the same meaning: the question is, do we really want to convey that meaning at all? Do we want to flat out tell our customers that the system is moving slow? Is there a chance they could lose confidence in us and in our ability to help them if our system can't handle the load? I want to take every opportunity I can to build up our customers trust in us. I'm not so sure this is helping.

We may not be able to avoid system issues right now, but we don't have to tell every customer that we're "hourglassing."

Oh, and just as an aside: the only dictionary I see this word appear in is the PC Magazine dictionary. It does not show up in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary. That means it's slang, people!

2011-01-12T07:56:00.002-06:00

I have ranted before about how much I despise the phrase, "no problem." I'm hearing it more and more every day, not only from the CSRs I listen to, but while out doing my everyday activities. My first thought when I hear this phrase: "I'm paying you to take care of my needs. It had better not be a problem."

Recently, however, I have had a refreshing experience with a local fast food chain. Chick-Fil-A is known for doing things a little differently: for example, they close on Sundays to give their employees time for church and with their families. I respect a company that can shut the doors one day a week like that: even though I always seem to have a craving for a chicken sandwich on Sunday afternoon. :)

But while going through the drive-thru window, after we placed our order, we said thank you: and the young lady on the other side of the speaker box said "My pleasure." And, even better, she sounded like she meant it. Another young lady said it again when we thanked her for handing us the order at the window. My son and I went in last week for breakfast, and I heard the phrase at least three times. Each time, it sounded like they really meant it: and it sounded so much better than "no problem."

For the most part, I enjoy working in Customer Care: especially when I hear our CSRs actually caring for and about our customers. But the "no problem" trend has got to go.

As I've said before, dump the problem and make it a pleasure.

2011-01-02T00:05:00.001-06:00

Well, another year has drawn to a close, and a new year begins. Another year to crush the hopes and dreams of CSRs everywhere. (Just kidding on that!)

Happy New Year, everybody!

2010-12-13T10:38:00.001-06:00

Oh, and a note:

To my wonderful husband of 13 years today: Happy Anniversary. You have brought so much love and joy into my life, and I thank you for being there for me every single day. I love you yesterday, today and forever.

2010-12-13T10:31:00.003-06:00

Rant Of The Day!

Why, oh why, do people take a subject and make it a verb? While watching Top Gear last night, one of the hosts said, "They took a car and Jenny Craiged it." Well, yes, that was indeed descriptive: but "Jenny Craiged it?" There are so many other alternatives that they could have used.

It's the same thing with the new Dairy Queen commercials about their cheeseburger: the annoying disembodied mouth sings, "After we bacon it." Okay, cute. I see what you did, there.

Kinkos started with the whole "to office" thing. It's starting to snowball out of control. I can't wait to hear my first instance of this happening in a QA. I'll be laughing back here until the wonderful men with the little white jackets come to take me away, ha ha. Then I suppose I'll be funny farmed.

2010-12-07T08:35:00.002-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

(Drumroll)

Que.

(cymbal crash)

This is one that drives me up the wall, and what bothers me the most is that managers and supervisors use it. No, they don't speak Spanish. But I read yesterday, "What que do you have me in?" and the manager - MANAGER - responded, "We have you in this que."

So, just for the record:

Queue: where a line of people wait.
Que: that, than, because, or a million other uses: but not where people wait!

2010-11-18T12:14:00.002-06:00

What a day. So far, the calls have just been... Meh. Oh, we have our technical standouts: you know, the ones that hit all the benchmarks. But nothing has stood out to me today as, "Wow! That was awesome!" How long has it been since I've heard an awesome call? Hmm. It's been... 10 days. And I had to go back to my emails to remember that one.

How sad for us. How sad for our customers. Yes, their problems are being resolved. But I don't think anyone cares about going the extra mile. There's an old saying about not judging someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I think most of our reps add, "Then if they complain, you're a mile away and you have their shoes." Part of our scripting is to ask the customer if there is anything else we can do for them. How many of our reps sound like they really mean that? How many sound so dead during their calls that, even if the customer needed something else, they may hang up and call back just to talk to someone different? More animated? ALIVE?

I know I only get a small percentage of the total amount of calls a month for each rep. I wonder if it would improve if I listened to more calls: then I worry if it would actually make a difference.

So I go back to waiting for the next superstar.

2010-11-05T22:23:00.002-05:00

Great day today. I am ahead in my QAs right now, so I did a few, and updated our internal website to include more diabetes products and information. Then my boss came back to my office and asked where I was. I told him I was ahead. He asked if I could come on the phones for a while.

Hot dog.

So I did. Spent almost 2 hours out there while we got our service levels up. Had so much fun. I love talking to customers, and have a good time doing it. I believe that, since they're paying me to be there, I do what they ask me to do while I'm there. So I jumped at the chance to get to talk to some customers.

I did realize a few things while I was out there, though.

#1: My information binder is so in need of organizing. I brought it home so I can rearrange it this weekend.

#2: I need refreshers on a couple of things. I don't take calls very often, and I know what I'm looking for when I'm listening to calls, but I have to remember how to get there. As I'm rearranging my binder, I'll do a few refreshers as well.

#3: Customer Service is the hardest working group in the company. Getting out on the floor helps to remind me to appreciate the job they do.

I can't wait until the day after Thanksgiving: that's when I'll be on the floor again!

2010-11-02T19:53:00.002-05:00

I got a compliment today. I've been working with a customer on trying to get her order: it was escalated to me after the customer complained about her service. My boss said that he was glad I was in QA, but the customers are missing something by not getting to interact with me.

Wow. Suddenly, I feel really good.

2010-11-01T19:10:00.001-05:00

Well, Monday is over, and I have one thing to comment.

If I had to compare the calls I heard today to Halloween and Trick or Treat, there would be much more toilet paper than candy. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be.

2010-11-01T13:28:00.002-05:00

Well, another Halloween has come and gone. Trick or Treat doesn't happen in my household, as we usually go to a local fall festival instead. It seems like the old fashioned door-to-door Trick or Treat has gone to the wayside, as more and more people go to other organized activities. There's also so much fear involved in the parent's minds: fear of getting tainted candy, fear of not knowing the person that's going to answer the door, etc.

Customer Service is like Trick or Treat. When you place a call into a call center, you never know what you're going to get. You could get the CSR who is truly happy to be there, is in a great mood, and is more than willing and capable of handling any problem that comes their way. You could also get the person who is absolutely miserable and does not want to be there. There are many levels in between. Anything can happen. You don't know until the door is opened.

As customer care reps, we have a choice. No matter what is happening in the background, no matter how you feel about your job, you have a chance to make a customers day. When you come in to work, do your best to put aside anything that is bothering you, and make an effort to be in a good mood. Greet your customers with a smile. Make them feel like you really care.

Tricks or Treats. The choice belongs to you. Which would you rather receive? And which would you rather give?

2010-10-27T08:28:00.003-05:00

"Don't you take that tone with me, Mister..."

I can imagine that's what some customers think. A good, positive tone can really set a great customer service experience into motion. I know, it's hard to think about a positive tone (or a positive experience) when you have so much going on at home, so many other problems in the world, etc. We all have our different burdens to bear. It's just part of life. But once that beep tone goes off in your ear, you have a customer on the line with a problem that YOU alone can solve! That's an empowering statement - you can solve a problem for someone else! To me, that's an exciting thing.

A negative tone can (and often does) send the call on the path to destruction. A harsh or offensive tone can put the customer off, and make them adopt a harsh tone right back. If they think for one second that you don't want to solve their problem, or that you want to get them off the phone as fast as possible, they will let you know. Oh, it might not be directly, as in saying something during the call: but it may be indirectly, as in taking their business elsewhere.

Sounding bored on the phone can make the customer think that you just don't care, and are ambivalent about answering the phone at all. And it just might put your QA rep to sleep. That's never a good thing.

I think about the Apathy poster that can be found on despair.com - "If we don't take care of the customer, maybe they'll stop bugging us." Yes, they certainly will stop bugging you - by doing business with another company. There are lots out there, just waiting to pounce on dissatified customers. Your call could be the final nail in the coffin. The customer may have already been thinking about changing companies. Your tone could set a fantastic call into motion that will make the customer think twice about their decision, or it could set the call into motion that will make the customer contact your competitor right then and there.

Think about it.

2010-10-22T09:33:00.002-05:00

QA Phrase of the Day!

(drumroll)

Oh, look! The drummer's back! :D

No problem.

(cymbal crash)

I hate this phrase. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Of course it's no problem. The customer is paying us to take care of them. "No problem" sounds to me like the customer has interrupted your manicure with a request.

I heard someone say "my pleasure" when a customer thanked them for something they did, and just adore it. Instead of feeling like I've interrupted your day by asking a question, I feel like you really enjoyed helping me.

Eliminate the "problem" and make it a "pleasure."

2010-10-21T11:31:00.000-05:00

Tom Vander Well’s SQC tweet this morning got me thinking about my first call center job. Up until that point, I had so many different jobs, ranging from dishroom to fast food counter to newspaper delivery. I started down the call center path working at a hotel as a switchboard operator. That experience helped me land my first call center job, which was as a switchboard operator for GTE.

We were allowed to say very little to the caller. When the beep tone went off, the first thing we said was, “City and listing, please?” After they gave us the information, we looked it up, gave it to them, and the call was over. A call rarely lasted over one minute.

Dead air time? Not possible. We were required to say, “One moment,” every 10 seconds or less. We were counted off if it was 11 seconds. Somehow, we had to make sure the customer knew we hadn’t hung up. I think the tremendous amount of noise in the background would have given that away.

The funniest part happened when the beep tone occurred, we said the greeting, and there was silence on the other end. If that happened, we were to say, “City and listing, please” three times. If there was still silence, we would say, “Operator leaving the line,” and disconnect. This is a habit that has stuck with me to this day, and I kinda like it.

It’s amazing to me, the differences between call centers. Relationships are encouraged in some, discouraged in others: dress codes have varied from casual to business casual to uniform to business professional: some you can eat full meals on the floor, others you could only have water in a spill-proof container and maybe some hard candy. One you had to keep your candy in a metal container because of the rats. RATS. (cringe)

My current one is incredible. We have CSRs who have longstanding relationships with their customers, and I hear them talking about their families, ball games, just about anything. It’s great to hear an occasional call where the CSR says, “Hey! I haven’t talked to you in a long time! How are you?” That kind of reception really makes the customer feel welcome.

Dress code is business casual, jeans allowed on Fridays. I like that: casual is just too lax, and I can’t afford business professional. Besides, I don’t like heels. Food is allowed on the floor. I’ve only heard a few people in the last five years eating or chewing gum during a call. I’ve never had a repeater.

Of course, we have our problems: every call center does. But we are fortunate to have a management team who listens and are willing to take care of the customers and the employees. I have been in call centers now for about 16 years, and I have never encountered a better management team. And I think mine is the best one of all.

The one cool thing about it all: rules may change, systems may change, even business types may change: but good customer service transcends all of that. With good customer service skills, you can fit in and work anywhere. Customer service never changes.

2010-10-19T15:36:00.002-05:00

And yet another horrible phrase. Since I have no drummer, I'll just have to pull out...

The TUBA!

(blaaaat!)

"How much you say they was?"

(blaaaaaablaaaablaaaat!)

Really? A customer looks for a product, and has a price point in mind, and this is how you ask her to repeat herself? Have you no shame?

2010-10-19T10:22:00.002-05:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Well, it's not so much a word as it is a glaring grammatical error...

(Drummer packs up his kit and goes home)

Oh, well.

I just heard this phrase: "They is in Georgia." The customer needed to contact another department, and the CSR was explaining that this department may not be in because "they is in Georgia." What happened to the word are? Did it get left behind in the time difference? Did the CSR realize that she did not sound professional when she said that?

2010-10-14T11:41:00.002-05:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Nuh-uh.

(cymbal crash)

Nuh-uh? On first glance, this may fall into the same category as uh-huh, yep, and nope. But there's something a little weird about nuh-uh. It sounds like you're starting to say no and then change your mind. The Urban Dictionary defines nuh-uh as someone wearing clothing not suited to their figure. I have no clue how that came about. The Online Slang Dictionary defines it as a term of disbelief.

If a word can be found in either of these dictionaries, then it is not suitable for a phone conversation with a customer. Keep it professional: stick with the tried and true "yes" and "no." At least your customers won't think that what they're wearing may be inappropriate.

2010-10-12T15:18:00.003-05:00

What a day! Computer slowed to a crawl, so I had to virus scan, defrag, the whole 9 yards. Took a good bit of the afternoon. I don't know why my computer is slow. No viruses, 58 GB free... it's just weird!

Then again, it is MY computer... :D

2010-10-11T11:05:00.004-05:00

It's a rough day in QA land. I'm finding myself thinking about everything except what I'm supposed to be doing. All I want to do is go for a long, relaxing walk. The calls have actually not been bad today, although I find myself scrutinizing them closer than normal. What do you do when, technically, a QA is perfect, but you just don't like it? Some of these calls, something is just rubbing me the wrong way. Is it the tone? Most of it is, but not quite bad enough to cross the line.

I sit here thinking, if I was the customer, would I want to talk to these people again?

For some, the answer is a very loud NO.

2010-10-08T14:23:00.002-05:00

By special request... (Thanks, Tom!)

QA Phrase of the Day!

(drumroll)

"Anything else?"

(crash)

This is the one phrase that is annoying our management right now. The CCRs are simply ending with, "Anything else?" Not, "Is there anything else I can do for you," "Is there anything else you need," or a variant of those. Just, "Anything else?" It sounds like, "Okay, we're done. I'm finished with your original request. I'm hanging up now."

They don't realize how bad it sounds. It just sounds like they don't care. The customer has already taken enough of their time. Good grief. The customer is why we're here. Why do you have a job? Because the customer pays us. They pay us to take care of them. If we don't take care of them, they will pay someone else to do it. It honestly comes down to the point of, "How much do you want your job? If you don't want to be here, and don't want to take care of the customer, then step aside and let us get someone who will."

2010-08-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

Customer: "Is this item available individually?"

CCR: (in the worst Country Southern accent possible) "By the each?"

QA: (cringe!)

I swear, the word Each had five syllables.

2010-02-21T12:56:00.002-06:00

I'm on the hunt for a new blog hosting service. I'm very disappointed with Google: they are more than willing to have a Google doodle for every birthday under the sun, and for all kinds of events: but for two years running, they have rejected a doodle for World Diabetes Day. So as soon as I can find a new host and transfer my blog account, I am closing my Google accounts. The blog is too important for me to lose.

2009-10-24T17:10:00.002-05:00

QA wise, this has not been a good month. QA averages are down all over the call center. I've had to send more escalated calls this month than I have in a long time: and the majority of those are for the one thing I despise: following up with the customer. Why? How can so many people forget? I mean, there's so much they can use to help them remember: even if they have to super glue a post-it on their foreheads (well, okay, maybe not that) but, come on!

I don't know what else I can do to get the point across. We've sent emails: we've given suggestions on how to keep track of callbacks: it's up to them. I believe sending an escalation for this is so stupid, because it's something they can control. I hate doing this for something that I feel is so simple.

The QA scores are another story. In themselves, they don't give the whole picture. So many people have less than 100 because they haven't followed policy: but they have still taken care of the customer to the best of their abilities. Maybe that's another project to be taken on.

I'm hoping to get a survey done of our customers based on our current QA metrics. We've done surveys in the past, but never one like this: I believe this survey will do more to impact the way we do business than any other. Going back to the previous paragraph: does the customer really care if we say the whole scripted thing at the end? Does the customer care if we blatantly ask them to hold? Isn't letting them know that we need to make a call to another department and asking them to bear with us for a moment enough? What does the customer want? The customer wants to be helped. They want to be listened to. They want to feel like they are a part of the solution. They want to feel included and know what you are doing to solve their problem. That's what we need to concentrate on. We can't have the scores tell one story and the actual calls tell another.

2009-10-05T22:56:00.002-05:00

SQUEE! I'm in the QAQNA Mug Club! And I got my mug today. Funny thing: I don't drink that much coffee. So I'm going to put my mug in a very special place and share a water toast for the Coffee Time Links.

Thanks for the honor, Tom!

2009-09-30T20:21:00.003-05:00

I'm so excited! I get to start a project tomorrow, and I really hope I can get a good bead on things our CSRs need to learn. I wanted to do something to pinpoint individual and group problems that our reps may be having. Yes, it's going to be a good bit of extra work, and will involve a lot of data compiling, but it will all be worth it. I'm glad Excel is my friend.

2009-09-26T21:21:00.002-05:00

How important in the life of the call center is the voice of the customer? The VOC was an unspoken point of debate the other day between another employee and myself. Basically, I had taken a deduction that was being disputed. The CSR had done everything that she had been told to do, but my opinion was that she could have done more. I heard that customer at the end of the call. She had something that she needed desperately, and at the end of the call she said she would call a competitor for the product.

I can understand that people want the best for their teams. I really do. I was a CSR, and I would want someone to fight for me if I knew I was right. But the customer's defeated attitude at the end of the call told me that she was not happy, and that is my main focus. There was more that could have been done. That customer could have been satisfied. Then again, it could have been such a day that nothing we could do would make her happy. I've had weeks like that. But because other options weren't offered, I will never know. And that seriously hurts.

2009-07-30T10:51:00.001-05:00

Remember, call centers may be big: but gee whiz, we do have to sit close to each other. Cubicles are close together, and some of us have severe perfume allergies. Take it easy, huh?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535501,00.html?test=latestnews

34 Taken to Hospitals After Woman Sprays Perfume in Texas Call Center

Thursday, July 30, 2009 Associated Press

FORT WORTH, Texas — At first, fire officials suspected that carbon monoxide or some other toxic fumes had sickened almost 150 people at a Texas bank call center.

It turned out that perfume was to blame.

MedStar ambulance spokeswoman Lara Kohl says 34 people were taken to hospitals, 12 by ambulance, after reporting dizziness and shortness of breath Wednesday at a Bank of America call center in Fort Worth. An additional 110 were treated at the scene.

Fort Worth fire Lt. Kent Worley says the incident started with two people complaining about dizziness after a co-worker sprayed perfume. Others reported being sick when an announcement was made that anyone with similar symptoms should exit the building.

Investigators do not know what type of perfume was sprayed.

2009-07-24T17:18:00.002-05:00

I have located the epitome of bad customer service, courtesy of my children's school system.

I went in today to ask for two affidavits. Our school system requires a ridiculous set of checks and balances to ensure that no child from another district attends the local schools. They have a button on their website that you can press and fill out a form reporting out of district students. If you live in the district, but do not own a house or rent an apartment, you must fill out an affidavit for each child. This is a form that must be notarized and returned to the school before they will assign your child to a classroom. For anyone that enrolls their child using an affidavit, this also includes a visit by the local police department to prove that you live where you say you do.

Back to the story. I went in to ask for the affidavits, and was told, "I'm sorry, but you can't pick those up until registration." Our children have been in this school system for 6 years. I work, but we live with my husband's mom because he is her full-time caregiver. When I asked why, she said, "I don't know: I'm new here, but it's just policy."

Those dreaded words - "just policy." It means they have no clue what the reason is, and they hope you won't press them further on it. I have tried so hard to be a part of my children's school lives. I have offered to work with the PTA. I have spoken to or emailed principals and offered assistance. I have filled out the form that the teachers send home every year where they ask for classroom help and have never had a return call. Not once in six years in this same school system.

I have more complaints, but I will just leave it at this. I hate being made to feel like an unwanted, unwashed heathen just because I do not own land in the city. I am just as much a citizen of this town as anyone else, and like it or not, I have a say. And if they have no clue why they have that policy, they need to sit down and review it so they can give people a decent explanation.

2009-07-23T14:47:00.002-05:00

Dude! You're going to... Wichita???

http://consumerist.com/5320315/ups-sends-your-monitor-to-gladys-in-wichita-dell-tells-you-to-pick-it-up-you-live-in-boston

This poor guy. He ordered a Dell monitor to be shipped to him in Boston. That's in the North East. The monitor was shipped to someone named Gladys in Wichita. That's in the Midwest. These two locations are over 1,600 miles apart.

This is a classic example of the good old pass the buck strategy. UPS tells the guy to call Dell and have the package forwarded: Dell says they don't do that, and it must be UPS's fault because Dell has the right address on file. UPS then asked him to come pick up the package at their service center. In Wichita. Remember, this guy's in Boston. UPS then helpfully changes the status to, "Receiver will pick up at UPS facility." Apparently, someone from Dell called UPS and told them that he would be picking up his monitor.

He is right in stating that the shipping difficulties are not his problem. Instead of passing the buck, Dell should have shipped him a new monitor and worked with UPS to get the original one back. But they didn't do that. They played this stupid game and left the customer hanging in the middle.

2009-07-23T08:25:00.002-05:00

QA Words (yes, plural) of the Day!

#1: Formularity. From a customer: "I'd like to place an order for this, but it's not on my formularity." Some of our customers are on formularies, which means they have a set list of items that they can purchase from us. But I've never heard of a formularity. It reminds me of Father Mulcahy on M*A*S*H*: "Jocularity!"

#2: Que and reque. Wrong! Those are spelled queue and requeue (or re-queue). How correct does "que pasa" sound?

2009-07-10T22:38:00.002-05:00

"Bad news is out the door and around the block before good news gets up out of bed." - My Husband

Boy, isn't this the truth. FoxNews has a shining example of this right now on their website, http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,531515,00.html.

This poor guitarist had his guitar broken by a baggage handler of United Airlines. He tried for a year to get United to pay for the broken guitar, which cost $1,200 to fix. When United wouldn't pay, he made a video and posted it on YouTube, titled "United Breaks Guitars." Fox said the video had more than 600,000 hits by Thursday evening. It's Friday evening now, and it has 1,627,312: the last one being mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YGc4zOqozo

The funny thing: United wants to use the video as a training video on how to handle customer complaints in the future.

Now, what would have happened if United had actually paid this claim like they should have? Nothing would have been told about this at all. But instead, this incident is all over the news. Even Oprah is all over it. United gets a bad reputation (which they deserve after this) and I want to go buy a Sons of Maxwell album, even though I have never heard of them before now.

It's very sad when United's version of Quality Assurance equals a passenger looking out the window and yelling, "Hey! They're throwing guitars out there!" The baggage handlers started the slippery slope by not treating their customers the way they should be treated. Their supervisor failed by not correcting what they were doing. The management failed by not reimbursing a claim and essentially saying the baggage handlers acted appropriately. I believe this is one company that needs more help and training than even an excellent YouTube video can provide.

2009-06-21T19:27:00.000-05:00

We need these guys at the call center. Stat.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

2009-06-11T08:04:00.002-05:00

I'd like to offer my congratulations to Tom Vander Well over at www.qaqna.com. His blog has been listed as number 4 on callcentrehelper.com's list of top ten Call Centre websites! Tom is an amazing person. He doesn't have a clue how many times his words have kept me going in my job. It's so funny: he has a uncanny ability to talk about exactly what I need to hear at the time. I am extremely thankful for him and the job that he does.

If you haven't checked out Tom's website, go. You will not be disappointed. The rest of the list can be found at http://www.callcentrehelper.com/top-10-call-centre-websites-for-2009-3575.htm. I'll be checking a lot of these out later!

2009-05-28T08:52:00.005-05:00

We went to Sonic this morning. Our order got messed up 5 ways from Sunday. Our daughter's diet Coke and fries were missing from the order. They read everything back to us, and everything was there. But they didn't pack the fries and only charged us for three drinks. So we sat there while we figured everything out.

I brought mine to work to eat: a sausage, egg and cheese breakfast toaster. Now, on a toaster sandwich, you expect it to be toasted. Right?

Mine was toasted. Halfway.

Not impressive. At all. It's not a fatal mistake, but I like getting what I pay for.

2009-04-15T16:56:00.001-05:00

You are witnessing the beginning of a star that is burning out.

If I have my way, I won't be in QA much longer. I'm tired. It's time to give the job to someone new.

2009-04-09T13:47:00.002-05:00

One of the things I hate about this job is how lonely it is. Even with a bunch of people around, I still feel alone. Having friends here is totally out of the question: work comes first. It's hard to be in the same room with a bunch of people and they're talking about where they're going for lunch or going out after work, and they never ask if you want to join them. It's like, "Oh, I work with you cause I have to, but I don't want anything to do with you otherwise."

Now it's happened on a local blog I'm on. They're getting together tonight. I've been posting off and on for some time, and I thought I knew the people there. Apparently I don't, because I haven't been invited. Finally, I thought I'd fit in somewhere. Once again, no go.

I'm giving up the idea of making friends. From now on, I promise just to be happy with my actual job and with my family. I don't need anything else.

2009-03-01T14:54:00.002-06:00

I was up this morning watching Mass. I don't know why: I'm not Catholic. In recent years, I've found myself more dependent on closed captioning to enjoy television: so I had the sound all the way down and the captioning on. But there was no caption. None. The priest was talking, but I had no idea what he was saying. Then, I saw the strangest caption I have ever seen.

"We are experiencing difficulties with our captioning mic. We appreciate your patience."

Ah! So that's what is wrong. But it got me to thinking, and that's not a safe thing to do at 6am.

Life doesn't come with instructions. As you go through it, you don't get a sign that says, "Hey, doofus! You're doing the wrong thing!" That would be much like the, "We are experiencing difficulties with our captioning mic" reference. Sometimes you just have to jump and hope you're doing the right thing: and sometimes you have to keep going and hope the text can keep up.

I'm going to keep going. The captioning will catch up when it's ready.

You watch us run.

2009-02-27T14:46:00.002-06:00

I am taking this weekend to make a hard decision. I am wondering whether the time is right to leave QA and go to something else. As much as I like what I do, and I know how important the job is, maybe it's time to let someone else take over. I miss talking on the phone to customers a heck of a lot, and maybe it's time to return to customer service.

I will not be leaving my place of employment: just changing jobs. There's a lot I won't get into here: I will say that I have some concerns that I don't feel are being corrected. They've been addressed several times, but the problem is still there. It makes me doubt seriously whether I'm the right person for the job.

Pray for me this weekend as I contemplate my own destiny.

2009-01-16T20:03:00.003-06:00

Well, Pizza Hut has just made it on my "never again" list.

This was the second chance: I rarely give third chances. The first time we ordered from them, they brought the food and forgot our drinks. This was after they gave us a 30 minute delivery window and we had waited an hour and 15 minutes. The driver did go back and get our drinks, which is why I gave them a second chance. Then we ended up driving to the location the next morning because the driver left his pizza delivery bag on our front porch.

Tonight we decided at the last minute to order pizza. I had received an email coupon for $5 off a $15 order if the order was placed online, so we decided to try. I placed the order, got all the information on there, and hit Submit. I waited... and waited... 5 minutes went by and there was no sign that the order had sent: it was still processing and sending. So we decided to forget about the whole thing.

We called the main number. Around here, there's one call center main number that you call to place orders, and they send the information on to the appropriate store. We were hung up on twice in a row. Not good. So we found the number to our store and called them.

They seemed okay, but they promised us that the amount of money would not be taken off our card. Right. It was. We have attempted to call that store back and have not been able to get through. I sincerely hope that they really cancelled the order, because we're making cheeseburger mac.

Oh, and I have unsubscribed to their email list. They give no options of sharing why you're unsubscribing: this is one time I would have said exactly how I felt.

2009-01-12T10:12:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Unguent.

(cymbal crash)

Actually, this is a real word for once. Someone faxed in a request for their order history, and used the abbreviation UNG. My great-grandma used unguent (or salve, interchangeably) but I haven't heard the term in years.

2008-12-22T09:22:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

*drumroll*

(oh, how do I spell this one?)

Shipptadid.

(cymbal crash)

This was from a customer. "Can you tell me when this shipptadid?"

2008-12-13T00:55:00.001-06:00

Oh, and happy 11th anniversary to my wonderful husband. I hope we have many, many more. I love you so much!

2008-12-13T00:47:00.002-06:00

Cool. Finally got this to work. This blog can now be seen on my custom domain: www.callcenterqablues.com. Someday I'll get really good at this computer stuff. :)

QA was busy last month. I didn't have much time to do anything, cause we were preparing for our vacation! Yes, I actually took a vacation. With the family. Amazing.

Now, if I could just get these CSR's to call their customers back, I'd be real happy. That's the only escalation I despise doing. They should know that if I hear them say that they will call the customer back, the first thing I'm going to do is LOOK FOR A CALLBACK. They have too many tools at their disposal for this to be a difficult thing to remember. I just can't understand it at all.

Christmas season this year has been easier to bear. I've been letting the real reason for the season go to the back of my mind. Sure, I miss my grandparents and my family. It upsets me not being included in any "reindeer games" at work. But I have so much more than that. Just thinking of the sacrifice God made for me is helping me get through the tough times. Plus, I'm keeping busy at work and concentrating on my husband and kids. So far, so good.

2008-10-19T00:08:00.003-05:00

In a call center, the customer is always right, whether they are or not. However, my husband found this website: it proves that, no matter how right the customer is, they're still wrong. We just can't tell them that. But we'd like to. Occasionally.

http://notalwaysright.com/

2008-10-08T12:26:00.002-05:00

Oh, my dear God.

From here - http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,433824,00.html

"GUATEMALA CITY, Guatemala — An armed man in a jealous rage took 42 hostages in a Guatemala City call center on Monday and released them unharmed and turned himself to police after a five-hour standoff, police said.

National Police spokesman Donald Gonzalez said Luis Escobar, 29, overpowered a security guard at the 24/7 Call Center and took his gun late Monday.

Police officer Miguel Tzoc said Escobar was in a jealous rage over a former girlfriend who worked in the call center.

Escobar first released 40 hostages but kept his former girlfriend and her new boyfriend. He released the couple 10 minutes later and turned himself in to police."

Let's keep these guys in our prayers. This is a nightmare: thankfully, they're all unharmed physically. I've worked in 24/7 call centers with only one security guard, and there is no possible way that one guard can be everywhere at once.

2008-10-01T20:55:00.003-05:00

I experienced memorable customer service today. I wish I could say it was a good experience.

We stopped by Sonic on the way home because my mother in law wanted a milk shake. I had gotten an email a while back about a Jr. Banana Split, so I wanted to try that.

My husband was ordering, and he ordered the shake. Then he said, "I want a Jr. banana split, and..." Then the voice came back and rudely stated, "We don't do Jr. banana splits." He got the shake for his mom, but I changed my mind about getting anything.

I have a long memory when it comes to customer service. I will go out of the way to go to one certain McDonald's because their customer service is that good. I tend to avoid the hometown location because I'm always greeted with long lines and horrendous customer service. So, this particular Sonic is not only getting a nasty letter, but they have lost my business. All because the person behind the speaker was rude and interrupted my husband.

2008-09-18T10:16:00.001-05:00

Conversation of the morning!

Customer: "I need a knee warmer."

CSR: "For the knee?"

Me (out loud): "No: for the ELBOW. Sheesh."

Office Mate: "Whaaa...?"

2008-09-16T16:04:00.001-05:00

QA Phrase of the Day!

*drumroll*

"Well, dogie."

*cymbal crash*

Last I heard, Jed Clampett doesn't work here. And we have no dogies around. Sheesh.

2008-09-01T19:56:00.001-05:00

Well, it's all over but the shouting. Thankfully, Gustav didn't turn out to be Katrina's meaner brother. All is well here: some damage on the coast, a good bit of flooding: but a lot to be thankful for.

Multimedia message

2008-08-31T02:04:00.000-05:00

Okay. I had to test this: if this works, it will be my first post via cell phone. Posting will be easy to do, but painful for my thumb! :)

Multimedia message

2008-08-31T01:33:00.000-05:00

2008-08-30T21:11:00.003-05:00

There is one word right now that is striking terror and panic in our hearts right now.

It is a name, and that name is Gustav.

We have too many bad memories of what happened three years ago during Katrina. We were spared major disaster, although she was a Category 1 when she got to us. Our neighbors to the South were not so lucky. And, if Gustav stays on his current path, they may be hit again. The gaping wounds haven't healed from Katrina, and now they will be ripped open all over again.

The lines have already started forming for supplies, even here. As of now, we will get some heavy rain, but that is all. The local stores are running out of canned foods. Gas lines are extremely long. Walgreens proudly displays on their electric sign that they have batteries, flashlights and water. One of our local outdoor malls, recently built and extremely popular, is empty. These are signs that something, somewhere, is going horribly wrong. And that something, that ominous, disturbing SOMETHING, could be headed towards you.

Pray for us. Pray for all of these people who will be in Gustav's path. I pray that no lives are lost during this storm. Property can be replaced. The ones you love can't. If you're reading this, and are in any possible path, get out if you are asked to leave. We can't prevent the weather, but we can prevent more senseless tragedy.

Deus, dona mihi serenitatem accipere res quae non possum mutare, fortitudinem mutare res quae possum, atque sapientiam differentiam cognoscere.

(God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change: courage to change the things I can: and the wisdom to know the difference.)

Can't Stop Stupid Calls

2008-08-26T16:37:00.001-05:00

2008-08-25T20:15:00.000-05:00

We went to Pizza Hut Friday night for dinner. The young lady was taking our order while her manager was yelling at her in the background. She wasn't yelling across the room, like, "Could you pick that up for me, please?" This was about as condescending as you can get.

Whatever happened to the PIP rule? For those not in the know, the PIP rule is, Praise In Public: Punishment In Private. Imagine if someone had been in that line, waiting to ask for a job application. Do you think that person would have wanted to work there? I wouldn't. As a customer, it was appalling to see an employee treated so horribly in front of customers.

This Pizza Hut has received a complaint, and we will no longer support it. How do you expect to keep good people if you yell at them?

2008-08-25T12:06:00.001-05:00

2008-08-24T16:37:00.001-05:00

Wow. I just found out that there is hope for the employees that don't care. This is pretty cool. Enjoy a chuckle or two from this one...

Pending Legislation - AWNAA Act

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. "Studies indicate that roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in Society," said California Senator Barbara Boxer, "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing, let alone the ability to actually do it."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. The Government Accounting Office (that public watchdog of extraneous and irrelevant facts) estimates that approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S employer of Persons of Inability. Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government level, virtually all Departments of Motor Vehicles have demonstrated excellent records of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the new Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, all with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance to nearly 10 percent of the population. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees, and true (not feigned) incompetence will, at last, get the recognition it so richly deserves.

The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?" or "What day is it?"

"As a Non-abled person, one can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan due to her inability to remember "rightey tightey, lefty loosey". "This new law should be real well for peoples like me", Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): "As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."

Watch your mail for the registration forms, due to be mailed out as soon as the bill is signed. Early approval by the White House is expected since the bill doubles the current Presidential Retirement Stipend.

2008-08-23T22:16:00.002-05:00

After so many years of being the QA Queen, there is still one thing that bothers me. And it's something I can't do a darn thing about.

You can't help someone who just doesn't care.

The hardest thing for me to understand is someone who just goes through the day and goes through the motions. They provide the absolute minimum customer service they can and no more. I've spent all of my working years in some kind of customer service position or another, and I've been the recipient of some horrible customer service. I know these people must have experienced some horrible customer service as well. Why would they want to inflict that on our customers and then think that they have done nothing wrong?

And I have to listen to it all. Just as I rejoice when a call goes right, I cringe when a call goes wrong. I do take it personally: probably way too personally. I find myself having to go outside and calm down so I can continue to be objective.

Why can't people see that the QA system is there to help? Why don't they take the opportunity to listen to their calls? If they did, and maybe put themselves in our customer's shoes, maybe they'd see what they did wrong and what they could do better. They've been asked to do that any number of times.

But for some, there seems to be no hope. If they don't care, they can't improve. If they don't improve, then they have to move. A call center can provide a good career if you take advantage of the opportunities to learn and grow. If they can't, or won't, maybe it's time to move on.

And every time someone is lost, a part of me hurts.

2008-08-19T13:45:00.001-05:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Lozengers.

*cymbal crash!*

Last I checked, there was no R in lozenge. It sounds like a lounger that you suck. Or a lounger where you can stash lozenges. I dunno.

2008-08-08T19:52:00.001-05:00

Happy August! It's amazing, how time flies: especially at the end of the month. Are there any other QA reps who feel my pain? End of month is a whole different animal: it's when I worry most about my numbers. Did I get enough for everybody? Will I have enough before the end of the month? Usually, everybody leaves me alone: that way, I can make sure everything gets done.

The beginning of the month is the roughest for our care center. I get to sit back and let the calls record for a while, then go back and find ones to evaluate. It's niiiiice. :)

2008-07-15T15:34:00.001-05:00

A (somewhat) open letter to my call center

It's somewhat open because no one in my call center knows this blog exists, but I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest.

It's a smaller call center, so I know almost every one of you. I know how hard it is to do the job that you do, day in, day out. I respect each and every one of you for the job that you do. As a QA rep, you make my job quite easy: well, most of the time, anyway.

Despite rumors to the contrary, I am not out to get anyone. I am not constantly on the prowl, waiting for you to slip up. On a perfect day, we'd have a 100% QA average. But, in my years of QA, that hasn't happened. I doubt it will happen. We're all human. I hear mistakes every single day, and my job is to send them up the ladder. It hurts when I have to do that. I hate to see any one of you do badly on anything.

I have to answer to our customers, just like you do. I have to make sure that they are taken care of. If on the rare occasion that you mess up, it's my job to help pick up the pieces. I take customer service personally. I have to. The customer pays our bills. Without them, none of us would have a job. I get upset when a customer is treated badly. I can't ask why, though. The customer doesn't care. They have a problem, and expect it to be solved.

I have to answer to management. When the collective QA scores go up or down, I have to be able to explain why. Our weekly calibration sessions ensure that my scores are accurate. Management does not want to, and should not have to, pay out bonuses to people who are not doing their job correctly.

Most importantly, I have to answer to you. You are my customers as well. I have to be fair to you. I have to be able to admit when I have made a mistake, and be willing to fix it. And, believe me, I make a lot of mistakes. I am so proud when I see that a customer has given you a glowing compliment.

I hear lots of crazy, personal things too. Believe me, I don't want to hear them. Some things I just don't want to know about. But that ends with me. I forget about it and move on.

You guys are on the front line, and the voices of our company. I have to make sure that voice is strong, confident, and willing to help. Thank you for sharing your strengths with us each and every day. It takes all of us together to make it happen. Keep learning, keep growing and keep sharing.

Thanks so much – for everything.

2008-07-11T16:50:00.001-05:00

I love my job.

That's all I gotta say. :D

2008-06-18T13:16:00.001-05:00

I find myself getting angry on a daily basis. I sit here and listen to calls day in and day out, and I'm finding that the smallest mistakes upset me. But the bigger ones - ones that could result in someone being canned - really aggravate me.

I take this job seriously: maybe too seriously. Their mistakes become my problems, and I take a lot upon myself to get fixed. If they don't take care of the customer, it falls on me to make sure that the situation is handled. There are times, like today, that I just want to pack up all my toys and go home. The triumphs should outweigh the disasters: but recently, it's been the other way around.

Oy.

2008-05-08T09:07:00.001-05:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Granulated.

(cymbal crash)

This one was from a customer! This customer asked for granulated cups. She meant graduated: the ones with the markings on the side to let you know how many ounces of liquid are in them.

I can't imagine trying to hold any kind of liquid in a granulated cup!

2008-04-29T16:56:00.001-05:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Niacin.

(cymbal crash)

This is not pronounced knee-ay-sin. Really. Have you missed all the Centrum and One-A-Day commercials?

You need to watch more TV.

2008-04-28T11:01:00.001-05:00

A call center is like a box of granola.

After you remove the fruits and the nuts, all you have left are the flakes.

2008-04-02T13:47:00.000-05:00

Check out www.qaqna.com. Tom Vander Well is going to be presenting a webinar on Successful Calibration Basics. Anyone in QA knows how important calibration sessions are: and even though we've been doing them for 3 years, I think I'll learn something new.

There are two dates scheduled. I'm in. Come join us!

2008-02-25T13:12:00.001-06:00

It's always amazing to me how cold people can be when someone complains about working in a call center. I found a thread on the Straight Dope message board titled "It's called 'staffing levels,' a**holes. Look it up." found here: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=457243 . In it, a poor fellow traveler works in a call center that is horribly understaffed (aren't we all?) and is complaining about how they have to answer overflow for another call center.

5 posts below, we get the always predictable response: "Why don't you just get another job?"

Yeah. Out of all the days in the year that this poor soul has worked, he's complained 9 times. That's pretty good odds, if you ask me. It may come as a surprise that some of us are actually happy with our jobs: we get paid relatively well, and we have a decent support system behind us. Yes, the calls get backed up. Yes, there's a good bit of stress. But yes, it can be worth it if you look at it in the right way.

2008-02-22T20:58:00.001-06:00

No recent problems, although I really dislike February. It's such a short month. It's so hard to do anything in February.

2008-02-14T11:27:00.001-06:00

Just a small personal note today.

To the love of my life: Happy Valentine's Day. I hope to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you've made me. I thank God for you every day of my life.

Thanks for loving me.

2008-02-13T12:30:00.001-06:00

Oh, and as a note to JT, who said to me:

The big flaw in this post is when you say:

"The CSR may be sick: they may have personal problems: anything that could be affecting the performance. While we care about the situation, we can't take any of that into consideration."

Of course you can take it into consideration, and the customer would too, if they knew. If you're judging quality, you need to take everything into account. Otherwise you come across as ... robots."

I disagree with this. When we walk in the door of our job, we are expected to leave our personal problems at the door. If we are sick, then we should not be at work: we should be home, drinking chicken soup.

As a customer, when I call in with a problem, I expect my problem to be fixed. I don't expect to hear what could be the lyrics of a bad country song. Most customers, including myself, can be sympathetic to a point. But if your situation is so bad that it affects your job performance, then find some way to solve the problem or get help. The customer calls in with a problem: he/she doesn't need to hear about ours.

I judge quality each and every day, whether I'm at work or not. While at work, if I know about something that is going on with a CSR, it will affect my judgement of the call. I may think, "Oh, she's not doing well today because she's sick:" or, "His dad's in the hospital, and that's why he handled that call that way." If I take that into consideration, people will get scores they do not deserve, which could skew the metrics of the call center. It could also have an impact on bonuses, incentives, etc.

I have to be fair and honest across the board. If performance sucks, I can't be afraid to say so. I can't cloud performance issues with outside influences. I have a job to do. The people I work with know I am not a robot, and they know I'm a decent human being: but they also know I will tell it like I hear it.

So, that's my answer to the statement. Thanks for the feedback! :)

2008-02-13T12:19:00.001-06:00

QA Phrase of the Day!

(drumroll)

"By the eaches."

(cymbal crash)

Now, this particular phrase really chafes. "You can purchase this item by the case, by the box, or by the each." Or, "That item comes 150 eaches in a case."

Whatever happened to, "This item is sold individually?"

2008-01-17T15:53:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day, Number 2!

(Wow. A twofer again. Amazing!)

(drumroll)

Which.

(cymbal crash)

As in, "I'm gonna go whichoo to da sto."

If you didn't guess, the real word is with.

2008-01-17T13:43:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

(drumroll)

Care-a-fay.

(cymbal crash)

As in, "I need a care-a-fay to pour water from."

The word, for the curious, is carafe.

(bangs head on desk)

2008-01-15T11:12:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day, Number 2. Wow. A twofer. Amazing.

(drumroll)

In-fect-yoo-us.

(cymbal crash)

As in infectious waste.

The poor English language. So maligned. Butchered. MAIMED.

(sob)

2008-01-15T10:47:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day!

(oh, God, I don't even know how to type this one...)

Ernt-mernt.

As in, "I'm going to put some erntmernt on that rash."

Ointment. There is no R in ointment. None.

2008-01-14T17:02:00.001-06:00

Happy Monday!

And it's over.

I'm going home now. :D

2008-01-11T12:39:00.001-06:00

I was just looking at our weather forecast. It said intermittent clouds.

I thought it said incontinent clouds.

I need a vacation.

2008-01-09T16:57:00.001-06:00

Cool. No bad calls for today. Niiice. Worst score was 87%.

I'm going to Taco Bell. Want me to bring you something back? :)

2008-01-09T14:29:00.001-06:00

Oh, and in case anyone is interested: the pain from the carpal tunnel has let up. I highly recommend the Thermacare Arthritis for the hand/wrist. There's only two in a box, but those things are incredible.

It's been a good day. No bad scores, and I have been sailing through the evaluations. I am extremely happy. Now that I've said that, keep your eye on this space for a bad call. :)

2008-01-09T08:54:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, I was browsing on CallCenterOps.com. Wonderful site: it has a pretty cool forum that could use more frequent participation. Stop by. :) Back to my point. First thing I see is a post titled, "Why does a call center's QA teams suck?"

(blink) We do? Boy, somebody must have gotten a really bad QA score, was my first thought. He/she goes on to wonder if QA is human, whether we care about the "galley slaves," and whether QA thinks they are God. Wow. If I'd have known we had that much power, I may have used it a long time ago. (KIDDING!)

But then, he/she asks, Who QA's the QA team? Good question.

Calibration sessions are the most informative and educational parts of the QA process. In our calibration, we have several members of our senior management team: they are given so many evaluations that have already been graded by QA. They listen to them, and they score them. Then we compare all scores to the QA score, discuss why we scored the way we did, and make changes as needed. The QA team then has more of an idea how senior management feels, and how they need things to be done: and senior management has more of an idea what goes on in the call center.

We are held up to a very high standard. At this point, the average of the management teams scores and the QA score have to be 5 points apart. We have just rolled out a new QA form, so calibration is more important than ever as we work out the kinks. QA is monitored: we are being very closely watched by our management, and we cannot do anything that is out of line with the policies of the company.

On a more personal note, I understand how the person feels. QA can seem impersonal. In our center, we have no contact with the call center floor. It's a small center, so we know everyone very well: but we are detached so we can be fair. The CSR may be sick: they may have personal problems: anything that could be affecting the performance. While we care about the situation, we can't take any of that into consideration. The driving focus of the QA department: were that customer's needs taken care of, and was it done in a friendly, professional, courteous manner? If not, then we start the ball rolling to fix the problem.

We have so many people to answer to. We have the CSRs, supervisors, management, and ultimately, the customers. We try to take care of everybody. It's a tough job, but it's very fulfilling.

If you're not in QA, and want to understand more, ask your supervisor if you can go sit with a QA rep for a few hours. This will give you a good insight into our world. Who knows? Someday, you might even be one of us. :D

Off to the morning coffee. I can't QA without coffee. That would be like climbing Mount Everest without a rope. Disaster would ensue. The day would not be pretty.

2008-01-08T09:22:00.001-06:00

After reading Tom's entry for today over at www.qaqna.com, I have one thing to add.

Thank God we're not equipped with On-Star. We would have lost a lot of bloggers during the switch from analog to digital. :D

Blogging is a heckofalottafun. It should be fun. If it's not fun, find something else. Like is too short. Have fun with it.

2008-01-07T09:54:00.001-06:00

OWIE.

Today, my carpal tunnel has hit with a vengeance. My right wrist is hurting pretty badly: so badly, in fact, that I've had to pull out the full wrist brace. It's nearly impossible to type with this thing on. I have a pair of typing braces, but they're not helping right now. I have a tendency to wail on my keyboard when I hear a call gone wrong, and I did a lot of that on Friday. I think I did something really bad to my hand and wrist.

It's going to be an interesting day...

2008-01-02T15:46:00.001-06:00

QA Word of the Day is....

(drumroll)

Eye-Bee-You-Profen.

(cymbal crash)

Otherwise known as Ibuprofen.

2007-12-31T16:39:00.001-06:00

From my family to yours: wishing all of you a safe, happy and prosperous New Year!

And please remember to plan ahead. If you imbibe, do not dribe. J